Men want to grow. They want to be better. There is an innate desire within us to improve and evolve.
To improve yourself in any meaningful manner, there is a sequence of events, that have to unfold.
You can’t make change unless you’re real about the situation you’re in. Getting real is about total and utter honesty with yourself. You have to outline your actual state across all aspects of your life – Physical, Mental, Emotional, Financial, Spiritual.
Are you fat?
Are you unmotivated and lazy?
Are you depressed, sad, guilt-stricken or scared?
Are you wasteful?
Are you disconnected?
Without total clarity on the truth of all these matters, you will never make improvements.
Realise that as man, your journey requires pain.
‘Men are created through trial by fire”Quote from Masterdym of the Fraternity of Excellence
As men, we must burn ourselves down through pain and suffering, to build ourselves back up. You cannot achieve any change in your life, without pain. The body you want, requires pain, exertion and sweat. The motivation requires accountability. The emotional fortitude requires the deep dive into yourself to unpick the shit that is holding you back.
All of this will take time in your days. You will have to sacrifice the lazy-ass habits you have now to make this happen. No more couch + beer + TV in the evenings. You have work to do.
Growth requires pain. Harden up and get that in your head.
A physiological change of significance can jolt you into action. Any step forward is the right step to start with but make it significant. Run. Take a long walk or bike ride. Swim in your local pool. Whatever it is, do something physical to get the ball rolling and repeat this in your head…. “I am going to do what it takes to change myself for the better” repeatedly.
Total growth is difficult and requires experience to find the right path. Sure, you can go it alone. But the truth is that you will hit dead ends, make the wrong moves, and have to learn from your mistakes. Or, you could learn from others. Find those that can guide you and coach you, as well as hold you accountable. It will enable you to grow at a faster rate, with greater return on investment.
Where do you find them? Online is the best place possible. Unfortunately, we live in a world where it is hard to find men who value being the best version of themselves. It’s unlikely you’ll find them within your current circle.
Key starting points for me were Podcasts and Blogs produced by men I’m now proud to call my friends, Masculine By Design (Craig James) and The Family Alpha (Zac Small).
Getting a coach is a good move if you need personal support. There are men out there who can help. I am here if my words resonate. Coaches will come at a financial cost; any good coach will value their time. You get what you pay for. You can find the best at the Fraternity of Excellence if accepted.
Make a plan and execute
If you’ve done the above, you’ll have some visibility on the areas you need to improve and how you can most effectively go about them. If you situation is anything like mine was, it will be like drinking from a fire hose. So, a plan is critical. Key things to consider:
Determine where you should start to get the best value. There will be effort that you can put in which has benefits across multiple facets of your life. Be intentional and act in design.
Some facets will be dependent on others. The simplest example is the link between the physical and the mental/emotional. Your physicality underpins the others. There are multiple examples of this.
Alignment of effort
As you bite off one matter at a time, align your efforts. Read about the area you are working on, while acting on it.
This journey is permanent. There is no obtaining the best version of yourself, without continued effort. The steps you have taken to make change are permanent fixes, not short term steps.